Coming Home

It's all over. There is nothing left to do but help my Abuela pick up the pieces. She is devastated. Last night she told me about how she met my Abuelo. They were 15 and 16 years old. My Abuelo tried for so long to get her attention. Finally one day he walked up and handed her a fist full of flowers, she says that she was embarassed but she took them because they smelled nice. I'm not sure how long he waited, but I know that he went and asked for permission to marry my Abuela. Her father said yes, they had a big family wedding and have been happy together since then. They were married for 61 years! That is a long time, I only wish that everyone could be so lucky to find the one person they love and be happy for the rest of their lives. My Abuela is now 76 years old, she still has life left to live. Her and I find ourselves in the same exact position...how fucking weird is that!!?? Both of us must learn to live our lives missing the one we loved! I never even thought about that until last night. That just goes to show you that God knows what he's doing. If I can help her, and she can help me, things won't be so hopeless. We are family and this is what families do for each other... Man do I have a lot to learn!

My Abuela says that there is no way she will come back to the states with me. I have asked her to let me stay here with her, and she refused. She says that she wants me to go back home and not let this hold me back from anything. I neglected to tell her that I feel more at home here than I do back in NY. She is proud and does not want me to carry any kind of burdon. But this to me, is no obligation, it is something I feel in my soul. It comes so easily to me, to want to help her. I haven't even thought about what sacrifices I would have to make, because I don't consider them sacrifices if I am gaining familia!

I plan to be home in a few days. No more than 3. If my Abuela had it her way, I would be in Bogota getting on a plane today. It is too soon for me to leave though. I will stay for a few days and then I will let her be alone with her grief. That is what I wanted, so I can only think that's what she may want. After all, people are so complex that we do most of our grieving alone. It seems to be easier that way. No one to explain your crazy acts to, no one to feel bad about making them sit through this, and no one to witness those embarassing moments of complete breakdown. In between every stage I wanted someone to be around, but I didn't want them there all the time. I am going to turn into my Abuela's phone stalker. Every few days I will check on her. I am scared to lose her too.....

Hope all is well with you people back home...you know who you are. I'm thinking about you, praying for you, and yes I am even laughing because you told me I should (Blair!)!! See you all soon.