Love Yourself

You can never change your past, even the things you most hate to remember. Going on forever blaming yourself for things you have no control over, will only get you one place in life...self hate. Life is too short to hate people. No matter how vile or cruel you have to find it in yourself somewhere to forgive them. Forgive them for yourself, not for them. God created people to be powered by free will for a reason. Not everyone deserves the resting peace that comes after life on earth. The more you struggle, the more you will appreciate. The harder you work, the greater the rewards are in the end. I knew this woman, she died an early death because her body was ravaged by cancer. Her two children were the most important things in her life. She lived as a free spirit. Scared of herself she just kept running. In the last years of her life she realized her mistakes and forgave herself. Not only that, but she asked forgivness from the people she had hurt. She came to realize that she'd taken advantage of the life she had been given. The biggest thing I took away from learning about her life experiences is that life if way too fucking short. I am making a promise to myself that I will live my life to the fullest, the best I can! I don't want to miss any one single important moment! I won't spend my life living with regret. I want to help other people feel things the way I do, I want other people to see things that you usually look past. I love the way the grass tickles my fingertips, the way sand massages my toes, the way sun passes my skin and warms my blood, I love feeling breathless with awe, I love when it's so beautiful you almost cry, even more when you do cry. Letting people see all of those personal, vulnerable moments is such a rush. Actually letting someone experience it with you is even better! I want to do everything! Fly and swim and run and just be totally enveloped in those moments. I want to remember the smell of the summer wind, the smell of rain, the taste of the ocean, the feel of sand and grass. I don't understand why people think that everything is about money and material possesions. "The best things in life are free." No amount of money can buy you true happiness. Life just has to happen. The harder you try to push your life in the direction you think it should go, the more off track you get. Life cannot be forced. No matter if good things or bad things happen to you, they happen for a reason. You can't pick and choose these events. You have to learn to deal with it and overcome it and accept it. Let people help if that's what you need. I chose to keep things bottled up and that proved to be more destructive than anything. The less I can talk, the more I can write. The more miserable I am, the more creative I become. As the pain I hold grows, so does my need for a manipulative outlet. Art. Writing. Music. Talking to people is so important, no one can do it alone. And suicide is just so unthinkably stupid! I have days when I am unhappy and I hate myself. I'm working on that though. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made, and I've started making an effort to treat myself well. It's all about love. Before you love anyone else, you have to love yourself first.